


Just for one night

by horrorriz



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, BDSM Scene, Bisexuality, Character Death, Cuddling, Denial of Feelings, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Drugs, Flirting, Guilt, Hallucinations, M/M, Murder, Nygmobblepot, Regret, hallucination!Oswald, sexuality questioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 01:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15853119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horrorriz/pseuds/horrorriz
Summary: For just one night Ed lets himself forget all his denial about his feelings for Oswald. If he can work through the guilt of killing him.





	Just for one night

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, this was actually supposed to be by request smut only, but it got so far from the initial prompt I just made it into what it became, with some sexual undertones.  
> I actually had quite fun writing this and hope it's to people's liking.
> 
> This takes place a few hours after the Amy Winehouse song by hallucination Oswald.
> 
> Happy reading!

 

***

  
“ENOUGH!  
I admit that killing you killed part of me.  
But I will find a way forward no matter the cost. I WILL be born anew! And I will leave you behind.”

  
  
***

  
  
Ed could feel the box of pills in his pocket, how they rattled with every step he took, it seemed like the weight of them was more than he could carry despite it barely being nothing at all.  
Pacing back and forth, he tried to grasp his mind around himself.  
He wasn’t an addict, that wasn’t it, even if the thought process could resemble the definition. It wasn’t an addiction to the substance rather than… A person.  
Ed cringed hard and rubbed his eyes under under the glasses at the acknowledgment.

 _“You need me Edward Nygma, just as I need you!”_ The memory of Penguin’s voice echoed in his head.  
With hands already in his pocket he took out the pill box and stared at it for a few seconds. Just one pill away, Oswald was just one pill away… The tiny white tablet could ease his longing, if just for a limited time.  
Reluctantly, he put the box back.  
He was gone, he killed him. He saw the blood pour out from the hole he had personally put in him. He’d pushed him, seen the red dilute into the water like smoke as he sank into the depth, to rot and feed the marine life.  
  
So much for leaving him behind. He was in his veins, poisoning his blood and mind. A siren luring him in with his seductive songs.  
The bang from the table he hit echoed through the empty mansion. Clenching his hurt hand he tried to focus on the pain, attempting to forget the images flashing by.  Tipping his hat, bathing in light red as the blood that seeped through his fingers trying to hold it back...  
No.  
This was just his mind trying to trick him into thinking he wanted something he didn’t. It had not been a lie, he didn’t love him, at least not the way he wanted him to. There had been no other solution, he had to pay.

 _“You would have killed her. Just like you killed the other.”_ The mocking voice of his passed friend was back. Trying to pry the fact he killed all his lovers into his head. _“Just like you killed me…”_ __  
This was ridiculous, he wasn’t even on anything at the moment. Why could he not leave him alone?! _“There’s no Ed Nygma without the Penguin!”_  
Snapping, he slammed the pills onto the table, pouring the contents over the flat surface. He stared at them, as if they would form a word and make the decision for him.  
  
Moments passed, and naturally, nothing happened. Ed took a deep breath and grabbed one pill, holding it up into the dull light seeping through the windows to study it.  
  
No matter how many he questioned, no matter how many he killed, no one had the answer.  
Oswald seemed to have been the only one to know. He never questioned the constant battle inside, two opposites fighting for control. Not knowing who was the real one, who was first. Yet having no idea where one started and the other one ended.  
He was the only one…  
Was…  
He had killed his best friend, the only one who would ever understand.  
  
  
The tablet crunched loudly as he bit down on it.   
Fast acting, it was why he chose them. He could already feel the derealization deepen as his grip on the floor seemed to loosen, the walls spinned. His head felt lighter as he curiously tipped it side to side, feeling as he floated above his own body.

He had expected the usual dripping of what he imagined Oswald looked like at the bottom of the river. Imagine his surprise to turn his head to meet a wide grin of the well dressed man from earlier that day. The dazzling view of a suit better fitting on the groom of a wedding, how ironic…  
_  
“You just can’t stay away can you?”_ His hallucination asked him with a smirk, circling him like prey.

Ed swallowed hard. This is what he wanted, wasn’t it? No… It was what he needed. He needed to figure this out and it seemed like this weak illusion of his past life coach and friend was his best bet.  
  
The hallucination stroked his arm, deviously studying him, licking his lips. _“Is that what you’re telling yourself?”_  
The phantom movement made Ed shudder.  
_“Life coach? Is that all I was to you?”_

Straightening his back he attempted to collect himself, finally replying in a stern voice. “No. But it was how we began. You helped me bring out my other self, make peace with him…”  
Oswald had been the one to help him start his path towards being a villain.  
__  
“Ed. Villains do not have teachers.”  
  
It took a moment to localize the voice, eventually Ed found that his hallucination had moved only to reappear on the couch. The very couch they had shared some rather… Tender moments.  
__  
“Oh so you remember? Good. Me too. It was when I first realized. As it was the first time you knew as well.” He caressed the couch like a lover.  
  
Not quite able to take his eyes off him, getting flashbacks of the show that morning, he settled for a low growl of a reply. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
__  
“Oh but I think you do. The question is what it will take for you to accept it.”  
  
“You’re not real.”  
  
_“Very true, in fact. You’re hearing your own, most deepest secrets, desires. Reflected by what and who you need most.”_

Ed clenched his teeth, fists turning white from the grip around themselves.

 _“Admit it”_ Oswald purred.  
  
“I already did. Part of me died with you.”

 _“The only thing that you killed, except, naturally, me. Was your one shot of being whole.”_ __  
  
“I don’t understand.”  
  
_“Sure you do. I’m only a projection of your own drug induced mind, remember?”_ Oswald tapped the couch, inviting Ed to come join him. Tilting his head to the side like he did when he was plotting something…  
Despite this, Edward sat down beside him, burying his face in his hands.  
What was he talking about?  
  
  
Deep in thought Ed didn’t notice a hand being placed on his knee. Or perhaps he did, seeing it was his own mind making these things up after all.  
  
“Why are you really here? I killed you, it should be over. All my problems died with you, the debt has been paid. Revenge was served.  
What other unfinished business is there?”

_“You talk too much.”_

Suddenly the hallucination leaned in and kissed him.  
“W-what are you doing?” Ed pushed the man shaped void away.

_“Exactly what you want me to do.”_

“This isn’t what I want. This is the opposite what I want, this is what YOU want.”

_“But I’m not really here, just you alone with your own unfinished desires.”_

Ed opened his mouth to object but shut it once he realized there was little reason to fight with yourself. Not sure what to add anyway, he kept his gaze down. Mind feeling blank, emptiness flowing over him as he found himself more confused than before.  
When he lifts his head again, Oswald is gone. The drug’s effect had worn off.

  
***

  
  
Ed found himself at the discreet entrance of what he knew was the club the Foxglove. A well hidden underground club for the, in some people’s opinion, sick minds, to gather without judgement. For villains, so called heroes and regular people alike.  
Admittedly, he was no stranger to the scene, but it was his first time at the ever moving club, never taking place in the same location to ensure it's secrecy.

Upon entering the dull gates, after having proven his identity and invitation to the guards, he was instantly met with rich fabrics, furniture and general extravaganza. Fellow guests roamed the floors in full fetish attire and costumes. Mingling, drinking and flirting. Melodic metal was playing at a comfortable level and mixed in with explicit sounds of pain and pleasure alike, coming from the side rooms within a narrow hallway further away, shamelessly dedicated for more private matters.

A waiter wearing a glitter vest and sleek mask winked approvingly at Ed's similar sparkling attire of a suit. He moved on to with proceed his waiting with a grin, leaving a stunned Ed with a glass of red wine.  
It's not that Ed was uncomfortable with the gesture, but since when did he gain attention from the male population? Or maybe it was merely a sophisticated version of a high five to compliment his splendid fashion choices?

Feeling more confused than earlier he nervously sipped on his drink, before realizing it was a choice better fitting the Penguin. Putting it away on the tray of the next bypassing waiter he headed towards the bar and ordered something more his style.  
He studied the new green drink in his hand, carefully decorated with a small question mark. A flirty move made by the bartender, again, male. Was he really giving off vibes to that group rather than his preferred women?  
Collecting his thoughts he came to the more natural conclusion that the extra touch was a warming invite to having the honoured presence of the Riddler attending for the first time.

A few peaceful moments passed, during which he studied the growing crowd as the evening was reaching it's peak.

Wait a minute. He was yet to make his debut as the Riddler, a name he had never spoken outside his own busy mind. Neither had he revealed the iconic question mark as his trademark…  
So the man interpreted the figure as to say he seemed to actually question… And the smirk as an invite for him to… Oh dear. He was coming on to him.

 _“Are you ready to admit it?”_  
The seductive voice of Penguin in his mind once again brought back images of the show put up by the hallucination. Surely as extra as Oswald could be he would never do something like that. So he painfully had to admit he, deep down,  personally wanted to see it. As if to imagine an over the top scenario of what it could have been like if Oswald had confessed in different circumstances. Without the betrayal behind him.

Ed downed the rest of his drink, picking up the question mark and crushing it. Leaving the pieces in the empty glass he smirked mockingly at the bartender that honesty looked offended rather than intimidated. Not that Ed noticed, so focused on proving himself right, or more like denying his own internal turmoil.

Stepping out among the now many guests again, his eyes searched the crowd for the perfect subject… It didn’t take long, as if someone had been waiting for him. There, perfect. Tall, curvy, a nice tight hairdo and naturally… Glasses. The slicked latex dress decorated with question marks was just a bonus. No, actually. This was it, it had to be fate this time. A gift for him being horrifyingly robbed of his true love twice now.

 _“Only twice?”_ Penguin’s voice snickered.  
  
  
What he had not noticed was that the woman had been following him around all evening, always lurking in the corner, keeping a keen eye on him. So when his own eyes finally landed on her, she nervously looked away.   
  
A few confident steps later Ed tipped his dazzling hat and equal beaming smile to go with it.  
“What marks a question despite the wording?”

She blushed, astonished that he was actually talking to her. Finally her research had paid off. She had made herself the perfect partner in crime… And perhaps other things too.  
“A question mark.” She answered in a hurry, noticing she had lost herself in her thoughts, or perhaps in his deep brown eyes…

“Your dress, I like it.” He nodded towards the question mark decorated rubber.

“Oh.. Yes… I'm glad you like it. ...You like riddles?” It wasn't actually a question, as she already knew the answer. She knew all about him, actually. Edward Nygma, former forensics at GCPD, later chief of staff for the mayor.  
Served time at Arkham Asylum for the murder of co-worker Kirsten Kringle, tragically lost his most recent ex in a freak accident… Both uncanny alike. She figured if he had such a specific preference, she'd do her best to become his type. Despite this, she had not prepared for it to work.

“You come here often?” He internally smacked his own forehead, that being the most cliche question he could have ever asked. Surely she must believe he was mocking her, saying things like that.

“Uh… This is my first time actually.” Considering his past, she should be scared of him. On the contrary, the potential danger only made her drawn to him.

“Mine too… How did you hear of this place?” Okay good, she didn't pick up on his mistake. He needed to play this cool.

_“Why are you doing this to yourself again? You know the outcome, what will always be the end result. Your fingers tightly wrapped around her pretty little neck.”_

“Shut up…” He mumbled under his breath.

“Excuse me?”

Uh oh, did he say that out loud? These mind ghosts were really messing up for him a lot.  
“I uhm… Just wondered what made you come here?”

“Oh! Well… A friend told me.” That her so called friend was actually himself and she stalked him there rather than having been recommended, was nothing he needed to know the details of.

“Is your friend around tonight?” He was starting to look nervous, small talk wasn't his thing. They always ended up laughing at him. All except Oswald…

“N-no! She had to cancel last minute, so it's just me. How about you?” A petty lie to cover it.

“Likewise. Well, no. I wasn't recommended. Admittingly, I've known of this place for quite some time, but this is the first time I've gathered courage enough to attend.” To escape the hallucination of his dead best friend trying to seduce him.

“How do you… Like it?” She made a bold move, reaching out to touch the sequins of his jacket, gaining a rather startled response. He seemed interested, but his body language told a different story. Looking more like he was trying to distance himself from her, run away even. Was she doing something wrong? Oh, the touch. He liked timid girls, she needed to get a hold of herself and tone it down. Only, it was so hard, with Ed Nygma, here… Actually talking to her!

“Well I must say I enjoy the company.”

The mystery woman straightened her back in gained confidence boost by the comment. “I must ask, don't you have more urgent tasks to manage? Surely with the mayor missing you must have a lot on your plate.”

She knew, she had to didn't she? She wouldn't make a comment like that unless she didn't know, would she?

“Actually the worry started to tear on me so much I couldn't get any proper work done. I needed a night off.  
Excuse me, I never caught your name?”

She lit up, flushed face. “Oh! I'm so sorry. I'm Myrtle. Very pleased to meet you.”

Ed shifted somewhat. “I take by your comment you already know who I am?”

Myrtle froze, she hadn't realised she had asked about the mayor without even asking for his name, or where he worked. She was so caught up in the shadow of his brilliance that she accidently assumed things she shouldn't know.  
“I… I've seen you on tv, with the mayor.”

Naturally, he had been quite a public figure lately together with Oswald, the praises for their work in keeping the crime rates lower than ever had gained a lot of attention citywide. She merely recognized him and tried to make conversation. Spending time with the mayor had made him paranoid, not trusting people. A bad habit when it comes to regular people. Or was it? This was Gotham, after all. Nothing is what it seems.  
“Well allow me to properly introduce myself regardless. Edward, Nygma.” A hand on his chest, he did a slight bow forward, forgetting his height and bumping his head into the shy stranger before him.  
“I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to… I'm so clumsy. I sincerely apologize!” grabbing Myrtle's shoulders as to steady her, and their eyes met for a second before she lowered her gaze in embarrassment.

“It’s quite alright, I am too. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Nygma.”

Glad not to have caused any big fuss he took a step back and straightened his tie. “Please, Ed is fine. Tell me… Do you wanna go somewhere more, private?”

She glanced over her shoulders towards the intended rooms for so called privacy. Her heart started to race and her face looked increasingly more flustered.  
Ed noticed the movement and realised his mistake as his face turned bright red as well.

“No…! I didn't mean.. I meant…” He met her eyes again, looking for answers and was to his surprise met with curiosity. “Unless… You want to?” He continued.

“Actually. I do…” She couldn't believe her eyes, this was actually happening.

They exchanged nervous glances as they took hands and headed towards a desk in the corner to ask for a key.  
As Ed turned the key around the voice warned him.

_“We both know how this ends.”_

Frowning he led the pretty stranger inside and shut the voice out as he closed the door.

  
***

  
He had to do something, fast. 

Ed nervously wiped sweaty palms on his slacks and looked around the room for tools or anything he could use.  
On the bed laid the body of Myrtle, still wearing her skintight dress, looking decent enough except slightly ruffled hairdo and of course, the blank stare of her lifeless eyes.  
He was a lot of things, a genius not the least, but his skills to hide a body had been proven inefficient.  
Oswald would know what to do…  
The thought sneaked up on him, like they had often lately. However this time he was desperate, a trip back to Arkham was not high on his wish list.

Before long he was chewing down on another tablet.  
He closed his eyes and waited for the chemicals to react in his body, tweaking his mind to make him see things that wasn’t really there, digging deep into his unconscious and well hidden thoughts.

_“What took you so long?”_

Ed turned and to his horror, found Oswald seated on the bed. Studying the fresh corpse with a strangely amused grin.  
  
“I needed to do some thinking.”

 _“Clearly. And how did that turn out for you?”_ He gestured at the body.

“I need your help.”

_“Of course you do.”_

  
***

  
Silence fell over the big empty Van Dahl mansion as Ed sank down against the inside of the front door. He had fired all staff and made sure no one would be there to interrupt him on his quest to quite frankly, find himself. This wasn't exactly what he had intended to discover.

  
***

  
  
The drug induced image of Oswald and himself had simply set off the fire alarm at the club, smuggling out the body in the chaos. Something that would have much more suspicious in any other setting. Body decorated with handcuffs, gag and blindfold he carried her out along with the rest, blending in just fine with others who had been interrupted in their play. 

He did not have to worry about cleaning, the owners had that covered. Careful actions were taken to keep the club's secrecy, including ridding it of the slightest dna of it’s attending guests.  
  
  
The body carefully packed into the trunk of his car, his made up friend next to him, they made their way to the very pier Edward had seen his friend desperately reach for him as he sank to his death.

 _“Already feeling nostalgic are we?”_ Oswald hobbled along after Ed who was carrying the big plastic bag he had tucked the pieces of the body into, along with a few bricks. He threw it in, watching as it shortly disappeared in the depths of the dark water.

 _“Kind of you to bring me some company but I'm not certain I approve of the choice.”  
_ Getting no reply from the very mind he came from, he moved with his usual standard of disappearing and reappearing next to Ed, straightening out his tie.

“Could you please stop doing that?”  
He ignored the illusion, his gaze glued into the marine graveyard of his own making.  
No matter how he tried to justify it, Oswald had been right, he had been right all along. He killed Myrtle in an act of impulse, heat of the moment. There was no real reason behind it, the images of Kirsten and Isabella had flashed before his eyes… Oswald reaching for him, begging before…  
He would have killed her, Isabella. There was no doubt, only a matter of how long. He understood that now. Oswald had tried to save him from the misery, the guilt and shame. How he could never get better, he would continue kill everyone he ever loved.

_“Do you realize what this means yet?”_

Ed clenched his teeth and glanced upwards, away from the water. His reply was more of a growl than anything else.

“Yes.”

The hallucination moved to appear right in front of him, taking a steady grip of his tie in one hand and his chin in the other, pulling the taller man down on his level. His eyes were mesmerizing, daunting, but hollow. Naturally, this weak portray of Oswald didn't actually contain his soul. The warmth that used to radiate off him was missing, the genuine smiles that seemed to have been reserved for him only. Now he knew that they had been. The soft side that Ed had brought out in him was gone, the image left of him was a reflection of Ed's own guilty, raging mind.

Closing his eyes, not able to look into the eyes of the lie anymore. He reached around the waist of the man that wasn't really there, pulling him in for a kiss. It wasn't soft, nor was it loving. It was raw, angry and filled with guilt but more than anything, repressed desire.

  
***

  
  
A blood stained tie joined the pile of Ed's waistcoat and jacket, the red dulling the reflective surface of the green sequins.  
Pockets were emptied onto the bedside table of the master bedroom, Oswald's room. He had not been inside it since the incident. It seemed impossibly big, and cold, without the filling personality of the in comparison small man it had belonged to. He had always known how to make his presence known in a room. Standing out in any crowd if not with his always impeccable tailored looks, with the aura thick and toxic enough to choke on.

Ed sank down onto the luxurious bed, picking up the pill box he had placed on the table next to it.  
Soon his head hit the pillow, exhaustion of the eventful night showering over him as he once again waited for the pill to start it's magic.  
Wrapping his arms around the pillow he inhaled the scent still left on it, which only increased the illusion of the arms wrapping around him from behind.  
Too tired, mentally and physically, this time Ed just closed his eyes and accepted it, let himself feel it. If only for just one night.  
This naturally increased what the hallucination was allowed to do as well, it being a projection of his own mind and feelings after all.  
Which led it to leave his cuddly embrace, Ed sitting up from the lost presence, Oswald then reappeared in his lap, straddling him.  
Swallowing loudly he looked up into the still empty but yet captivating pale eyes. He could feel his body tense, reacting to the imagined touch and friction pressing down on him. A spark ran down his spine and his lower abdomen when Oswald began tracing kisses down his neck.  
Buttoning down his shirt, which in fact was Ed's own doing in an attempt to make the illusion feel more real. He opened his mouth as to say something, but nothing more than a soft “Oh.” came out. Eyes flickering side to side and his hands awkwardly resting on the bed, fingers stretching and retracting, not quite able to control his movements.

Oswald leaned in again, lips brushing Ed’s ear, making him shudder at the warm air when Oz spoke. _“What’s that? Say again? You want… More?”_  
  
“N-no. I mean yes. I mean… I…”  
Deep into his own illusion he had forgotten what’s real or not, the touch of his passed friend feeling as he was actually there.

Oswald pressed his body closer. Gently kissed Ed’s forehead, nose, and hovered lingering above his lips. Ed breathed into the other’s mouth before finally pressing their lips together.

  
***

  
  
_“This is how it was supposed to go.”_ Oswald smiled.

  
***

  
  
A soft smile light up Ed’s face as he woke up the next morning, memories flooding from the previous night. Why he couldn’t have understood and acknowledged his feelings earlier would remain the biggest riddle of them all. He opened his eyes to face his lover. 

Only to be met with the gaze of an empty space, only one set of clothes strewn around the room, and with that the reality came flowing back to him. Nothing had been real. Oswald was still… He was still…  
Nothing had really changed, except for Ed. And for what purpose? For what worth?

Ed had killed not only his best friend but also his one true love.

 

**_And I wake up… Alone_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Please give kudos and comment if you want to see more works from me <3 Thanks for reading!!


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